SO MAYBE YOU RAN INTO A PACK OF HASHERS ON YOUR DAILY WALK.
Wikipedia on Hash House Harriers
Good Video from Santa Barbara Hash
Maybe you were accosted at the local bar by a bunch of drunk assholes wearing matching sweatshirts and singing songs.
And maybe, just maybe, they convinced you to join them.
Chances are something like that happened, otherwise reading this is a little strange for you to be doing. (Stalk much?)
So now that you’ve been convinced into joining our merry mob of no good drunkards, allow me to say this to you, the first time hasher, congratulations. There is no way, whatsoever, without a shadow of a doubt that you’ll ever do anything to regret this decision.
That being said…..
You are not a first time hasher, you will be known as a virgin. Congratulations on getting your cherry back.
There are very few things you’ll have to do to prepare for your first run with the Holy Shit! What the Fuck? Hash House Harriers, our standards are low and our morals are nonexistent.
You will be asked four questions on your first run, memorize these as the consequences for not knowing the answer are both outrageous and will make you look “special”.
Question #1- What is your name?
Your answer- I am NFN* (fill in the blank)- If you cannot fill in the blank, you should probably not be in our group and instead immediately report to a mental health clinic.
*NFN stands for no fucking name, but more on that later.
Question #2- Where are you from?
Your answer- Where ever you are from. Again, if you cannot answer this refer to the advice from question 1.
Question #3- Who made you cum?
Now this is a tricky one, you might be tempted to expound on your previous night’s companion, but that is not the right answer.If no one in specific invited you, just point to someone pretty, but point with your elbow-fingers are frowned upon-otherwise simply tell the group the hasher who invited you to the event. Be sure to use their hash name if they are a named hasher. Nerd names are not desirable.
Question #4- it is a secret
What’s a nerd name you ask? Funny you should ask, what follows is a quick glossary of terms you’ll be confronted with at the runs. Don’t be scared. just let it happen.
Vessel– Most important of all, a vessel will be your best friend at the trail. SImply put, a vessel is a non-see-through container for drinking out of. Make sure you have one when you come!! Authorities tend to frown on drinking in public, but how do they know there’s beer in your coffee mug?
While we do “run” (or walk on the walker’s trail) you shouldn’t expect this hashing to be your long run for the week. Trails aren’t intended as workouts since most are 3-5 miles long with a beverage break in the middle. While we have runners of all speeds, hashing isn’t a competitive race. Because of this philosophy, it is recommended that you don’t show up wearing new shoes (unless you like drinking from them) or a T-shirt from a race/or race-type event. The point of hashing is to have fun, be social, and maybe get your heart rate up enough to justify that beer or two you may have afterwards.
The group sense of humor can be described as ribald and/or sophomoric, but we are (almost) always good-natured. Sometimes this humor includes remarks or requests that in another situation would be considered inappropriate. Feel free to tell someone to fuck off, and some may do the same to you. Hash culture boils down to, “nothing is forbidden, nearly everything is permitted, but absolutely everything is optional.” You should never do anything that makes you uncomfortable. (That little chestnut works for regular life as well. You’re welcome.)
That being said, we do want to foster an environment of camaraderie and fun, and we do not tolerate harassment or discrimination of any kind. If something is making you uncomfortable, let someone know. We might not be able to fix it right then, but sometimes it feels good to vent.
We don’t have too many rules. We like to think you are adults who can do adult things without too much guidance. Here are the few, very reasonable rules:
- You must be over 21 to drink but we do accept all ages.
- Illegal drugs, violence, and harassment will not be tolerated. Note the word ‘illegal.’ Welcome to CA.
We run every second Saturday afternoon, and you can see where on the trail announcements. They can be found online here, or you can sign up for the mailing list by sending a blank email to:
The trail announcement includes:
- People start showing up around 15 min or so before the announced time, and the group (“pack”) heads out around 30-45 minutes after the announced time.
- North to San Mateo and south to Almaden.
- If you see the word “shiggy,” you might want to bring a change of clothes and/or shoes, ‘cause this trail will get you wet, muddy, and/or poison ivy-y (if you are allergic, knee-high “shiggy socks” help).
On After (On On On)
- Where we go after we are finished making jokes at each other’s expense and singing to continue drinking. As if you drank enough on trail, amateur.
A brief comment about drinking: You are encouraged to drink smartly and safely. You are the best person to know your body and your tolerance, so please feel free to speak up and/or drink water.
Then, we do a bunch of other fun things, tell jokes, sing songs, rag on each other for doing stupid things on trail, etc. After that, we will go off to some bar and drink and try to score.
We are excited that you have decided to do this stupid fun thing with us. See you on trail!
(Thanks to EWH3 and HSWTFHHH for the above spew)